In the prologue of his memoir, The Boy Kings of Texas, Domingo Martinez presents a song that, in his opinion, encapsulates the “emotional DNA of the boarder male,” explaining that this “DNA” was present not merely in his father and other male figures of his youth, but also in his grandmother—and as the story unfolds, is evident in the character of his own mother as well (Martinez x). This “machismo” presence, for which Martinez expresses emphatic distain throughout his story, appears to be linked not merely to a male social role, but to a seemingly higher state of honor and respectability to which women could also attain through similar behavior patterns. Remarkably, the female authority figures in his life pursue “narcissism, self-destruction, emotional blackmail, and a profound conviction that everyone else in the world is wrong,” perhaps not to the same extent as his father, yet to a very significant extent nonetheless (x). His conclusion after a chapter dedicated to retelling events in his grandmother’s life is “Don’t fuck with Mrs. Rubio, indeed” (63). After being beaten by his mother for a minor school-boy incident, he ends the account by saying, “I couldn’t look at her again for ten years” (39).
With the female characters in his life embodying this brutal masculine behavior as well as the males, it is interesting to note the instances in which Martinez, in his own reactions and thoughts, resorts to feminine behavior and longings. After an uncomfortable conversation with his father regarding sexual desire, Martinez expresses “I think I might try to turn gay to get as far away from my Dad as possible. It’s the only plausible solution” (12). While this statement presents the potential for a new and better life—the antithesis of the masculine personality his father embodies—it also seems to portray an internal longing for a genuinely feminine presence which he very apparently lacked throughout his youth. Similarly, he recounts several moments of self-proclaimed ‘cowardice,’ or feminine reactions which lead to his shame and humiliation within his family’s machismo-lauding culture. Upon being targeted by a “dominating rooster,” Martinez writes, “I turned and screamed in the most cowardly, girly way possible,” resulting in his feeling “thoroughly humiliated” (63). When he failed to join a fight in defense of his father, he expresses sentiments of “shame and anger…verhuenza, a besmirching of honor” (104).
Ultimately, these examples demonstrate within young Domingo, an impulse tending toward feminine characteristics and longing. While he is ostensibly battling the emotions of shame and embarrassment, along with the expectations of his family for him to ‘be a man,’ his actions and reactions reveal, more profoundly, a yearning for a genuinely feminine presence in his life, and the lessening of the machismo presence. It appears that he longs for a balance between the two, for the pendulum to swing and rest where it naturally should, giving femininity a prominent place in their family as well.
January 28, 2019
Works Cited
Martinez, Domingo. The Boy Kings of Texas: A Memoir. Lyons Press, Guilford, 2012.