Chains

I. 

Did you see me trembling 
under fury, caving under
knees too weak to rise

mind too lost to decipher 
the chaos, the curses
they called truth?

What I thought--
did you know what I thought?
(you knew what I thought)

Was it apathy, then, indifference 
keeping you silent as I struck 
my iron chains against your 
ancient lawless stones?

II.

I thought tyranny was divine:
thought creation yearned for order
and order enabled peace. 
Hierarchy: the will of God.

I thought submission was freedom:
thought relinquishing gave life
and I, ever-willing, gave all.
Liberating. We don’t have to decide.

I thought recitation was voice:
thought opinion was doctrine
and doctrine my only right.
Listen, and you shall not depart.

I thought judgement was mercy:
thought honesty the truth
and truth must be brought to light.
Truth teller. I'm speaking the truth.

I thought cruelty was kindness:
thought love a monstrous force,
sometimes lulling, sometimes raging.
Love is hard. I am a hard man.

I thought pain was holiness:
thought looming clouds a gift
and despondent soul a charge.
Suffering. We are called to it.

I thought obedience was honor:
thought honor meant respect
and respect meant follow suit.
Honor your father and you will be blessed.

I thought silence was loveliness: 
thought beauty bloomed in voids,
and withered on wagging tongues.
Precious, a gentle and quiet spirit.

I thought virginity was virtue:
thought the valued were untouched,
and the touched were never whole.
Shameful. Perception is reality.

I thought emotion was evil: 
thought sensation was deceptive,
intuition a wayward guide.
Beware. The heart is wicked. 

I thought suppression was liberty:
thought autonomy a sin,
and independence wretched conceit.
Authority. My spiritual right.

III.

I broke them. They fell
from my wrists and clamored.
Did it matter?

One child bound 
another free. Did it matter?

God I don't know why it matters:
I think you saw me 
and you let it be.

Unless (heresy)
you saw me 
and that's why I'm free.