The voice inside my chest,
Riles my blue blood with
Every thumping pulse,
Warming me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It softens my stiff spine,
Shoulders and dusty fists,
Undoing what I\u2019ve sustained,
Disarming me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It caresses my arid body,
Wets my cracking mind,
Like aloe on sunburned skin,
Alarming me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve heard the tone before,
Yet I still do not know
Whose voice this is
That calls me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I know it\u2019s not my own,
As I’ve never been one
To look upon myself and
Speak softly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nor is it my parents\u2019,
As they have made it known
Only disappointment and grief
Define me;<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That I\u2019m scandalous, unworthy
Wayward and unloved.
This is what their voices
Have taught me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I hear them all the time\u2014
Accusations from within,
Echoing dark claims and
Taunting me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve learned to clench my fists,
Tense my back, my jaw, my chest\u2014
To brace myself for their
Frequent hauntings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But then I hear this voice
That outperforms the rest,
And to my barricaded heart
Speaks softly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It taps upon the boards,
I’d carefully erected,
And calls my tarnished name
As if it knows me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There\u2019s kindness in its tone,
Like its always known my
Bruised and broken state, yet
Still loved me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I tremble at this sound
That makes my muscles melt,
And I move to crack the door
Just slightly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I peek and feel a rush
Of what I think must be love,
Then slam the door and break
With weeping.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why is it kind when
Those I knew before
Were harsh, brittle, cold
And loathing?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Could it be the voice of God,
Who I heard is made of love,
Yet who my parents said
Would judge me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They said His love, like theirs,
Is unconditional,
But only if I do what they
Command me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yet their commands were pain,
Would’ve crushed my soul if I obeyed.
So they turned and walked away;
Abandoned me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I still hear their voice,
Harsh and full of scorn,
Ashamed of who I am,
Rebuking me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But this voice I hear beside\u2014
An antithesis of theirs\u2014
Strokes my anxious heart, and
Calms me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It whispers tender thoughts,
Of who it says I am, as if
It doesn\u2019t even notice
The debris.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I think that it is God, or
Love or even Truth;
But to say this feels like
Heresy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
[If<\/em> it is right; if<\/em> it is true, I hear their voices shout, I groan and shut my eyes, Again, I feel my pulse February 6, 2021<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The voice inside my chest,Riles my blue blood withEvery thumping pulse,Warming me. It softens my stiff spine,Shoulders and dusty fists,Undoing what I\u2019ve sustained,Disarming me. It caresses my arid body,Wets my cracking mind,Like aloe on sunburned skin,Alarming me. I\u2019ve heard the tone before,Yet I still do not knowWhose voice this isThat calls me. I know it\u2019s…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-159","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poems"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bexroden.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/159","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bexroden.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bexroden.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bexroden.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bexroden.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=159"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/bexroden.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/159\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":774,"href":"https:\/\/bexroden.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/159\/revisions\/774"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bexroden.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=159"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bexroden.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=159"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bexroden.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=159"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
Love must not see me
as my parents do.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cFalse!” as they point their
Stiff and righteous fingers
Down at me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Press my head into to my hands.
Of these accusations, will I
Ever be free?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Steady as it sounds \u2014
The voice inside my chest
Speaks tenderly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n